I have one student who doesn't live with his parents because of reasons I'm unsure of. But I do know that he lives in a foster home with 10 other kids. Some of those kids go to my school as well and they are not stellar students. Many will drop out eventually. My students shouldn't. He's usually on in class - he isn't much for openly participating, but he does pay attention to my lessons and asks appropriate questions. He's helpful to other students when they seek his help during work time. He's an A/B student, a great athlete, and all around awesome kid.
But there are days when he is off. Not disruptive in any way, but he'll put his head down and do nothing. I can tell that he's just tired. No small wonder with the "home" situation. From a coach, I heard that is is generally video game heaven all night long in the house.
So my tactic has been to say "Terrance, let's get your head up" when I see it down. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like today - it just didn't. And I felt really bad...not for telling him to get his head up, but because of the other kids' reactions for not badgering him when his head goes back down. All I hear is "That's not fair - you keep telling me to keep my head up" and other things like that. And it is true. I know my lazy students, and I know the reason I let Terrance get away with it is because of his special situation that I can't explain to the class for obvious reasons. I've talked to him about it - he's very apologetic (and genuinely apologetic!) and I've told him my dilemma. He just tells me that he will try (which he does) but I know that he can't be on 100% of the time.
The funny thing is, students don't always see things as black and white like in Terrance's situation. Maybe because Terrance is an "average" kid. I have autistic kids that act out - the others just shake their heads. I have another kid that just walks out of the room all the time (I have to because it is in his IEP) and the kids don't bat an eye at it because "that's just him" even though I'd scream bloody murder if anyone else just left the classroom because they want to. I'm sure the other kids would give Terrance the "okay" for the occasional day off if they knew his situation, but hopefully won't happen. I know that Terrance is a little embarrassed about his home life, so he doesn't bring it up to others.
So what should I do when kids challenge me? Tell them to shut up?! Tell them to mind their own business? Tell them a lie to get them off my back? The truth is out of the question, but their concern about fairness should be addressed.
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I'd ask the student what he would like you to do, that is, if the two of you can think of something to say that puts in the same category of being either just him or something that's vaguely medically necessary or the like.
I tell my students that I do what is right for each student - which is not necessarily the same thing for everyone.
I also emphasize the fact that each student is NOT the other student, so why would they get the same thing? (except in the case of tattlers. Tattlers ALWAYS get the same punishment. It's WAY cut down on the tattling... I make it very clear, though, that serious stuff gets an exemption.)
Seems to work - but then I also teach 7th graders, and they're more likely to just accept what the teacher says.
I think the line, "fair does mean equal" kinda sums up this situation. You can tell them there is always information that they don't know. If they respect you they should be able to accept that as an explaination even if it's difficult to take.
I usually just say "Because I like him best" but I say it every time anyone asks me a question like that, and it's never about the same kid, so they get the point.
I would tell the tattler that you understand that s/he has some concerns and you would be happy to listen to them after school.
You've given a kid the opportunity to whine, but none of them will likely take it because it would have to happen on their own time. If they can't watch someone get in trouble, it won't be worth it to them.
there have been some great suggestions above already. I would probably tell them to not worry about it and that would stop it most of the time. Basically what anonymous said.
BTW, a side note I don't really do anything if a kid falls asleep. It's their responsibility to know the material by test day. I know this isn't a good strategy with standards based testing, but for now at our school if our CST scores are similar to their class grade no one says a thing.
well...my dean did tell me my scores did suck this last year...and yeah she said suck
I understand your frustration, but I'd ask you to keep two things in perspective: first, these kids obviously don't know his situation or background (I'm not sure why, though--classmates usually know more about your students than you do), and given that fact it may not be possible to address their concerns (and haven't we all been in a situation where we didn't get it but had to accept it?), so it's probably best to just get their focus on the classroom task ("Focus!" is a good way to bring that about; that one directive tells the kids that it isn;t open to debate); second, this is Terrence's problem to solve--sit him down and ask him what he's willing to do in these situations (might be best to ask him on one of his "on" days), and how you can work together to keep it from becoming an issue in front of others, and (most importantly) take the rsik out of the conversation so he can be open about it.
As far as why he gets different treatment, you don't owe the other kids an explanation, a justification, or a damn thing, really.
I've had students with differences that have effected the classroom environment. Sometimes I've spoken with the school counselor/social worker. With proper permissions first (and taking the student's wishes into account) they've come to talk to the class. It has helped.
This may sound counter-intuitive. . .but whenever I get this question I immediately respond with, "You've caught me. I'm playing favorites, and you just aren't on my "Special List' today."
Now, I have a rather biting sense of humor, and the kids know this and recognize when I am teasing, and that this is teasing.
But it also forces them to stop and think for a moment, as this is also the ONLY response I will give them. If they persist in questioning -which has happened once in 20 years- they seem to then ask themselves the question: "Why is Mr. Hoody playing favorites?" They usually can find the correct answer themselves.
Of course, it doesn't hurt that I start the year with a lecture on the difference between fairness -treating everyone equally- and justice -treating everyone as they deserve-. I aim -however imperfectly-for justice.
Sounds like my old classroom!
I heard an NPR story or commentary one day back then, around '02, by or about a teacher who promised to his class to treat them all unequally because they were unequal, and his job was to do the best for each of them that he could do - which is definitely NOT to treat them all the same.
The fact that Terrence helps classmates some days shows that they are unequal, and should be treated as such.
School is not a democracy, and students' rights are not about equality of status but optimization of outcomes.
My "Terrence" was "Vince," whose potential varied between the doctor-lawyer-president track and the dropout-con man-inmate track. A fast talker and often a fast thinker, jumpy and clever and impatient, and in foster care. I haven't heard from him or about him in a few years, and I get worried that I didn't impart enough to him or listen well enough.
But I am confident that I did NOT treat him equally - he wouldn't have stayed for half an hour if I had.
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What did you tell them when the first asked why the other kid was allowed to walk out when he likes?
I have a situation with a kid who has (very mild) Tourette's, which means he's off-task a lot. I just keep calling him back on, and he understands that I'm going to keep calling him back on - like I would anybody else - because the alternative would be to explain that I don't because he's having a bad day with a disorder the other kids don't know he has. He knows I'm not mad at him and that I have to do it. It sounds like you're a lot of the way to a similar resolution with this kid.
At the beginning of the year (and with reminders many times during the year), I have explained to my students that our class is like shopping in a grocery store. People buy different foods and have different needs. In our class I will be as fair as possible but there may be times that I will have to treat students in different ways because they have different needs. Whenever I approach it this way, they students usually are more understanding.
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